The rapid decline of social media

Hi guys, how's it going? Good? Good.
I hope you've ventured here from Facebook, as that would mean that you're aware of its existence and I don't have to tell you what it is. Well, I don't have to at all do I, but I will anyway... at least I'll explain what it has become as opposed to what it should and used to be.



Facebook is a magnificent creation, it was designed with the intention of bringing people together- people who knew each other and wanted a simple easy way of telling each other that they've got a new fluffy puppy, to make some plans for the weekend, or show off the photos from the one that preceded. I've no doubt that Mr Zuckerberg thought people would have an average of around 30 friends, because who REALLY has more than that? Real life friends, at least (If you're thinking 'I have way more than thirty friends, then you're either 1; a liar, or 2; you've more money than sense). And it worked! It worked brilliantly and everyone loved it, but as with everything else- everybody wanted more. We all know Facebook is something that has changed our day to day internet experiences and has come to take over the world. But that's not a good thing, is it?
Despite it being created only nine years ago, the age of logging in for 15 minutes a day to check up on what your mates and family are up to and send quick messages here and there are long LONG gone. Facebook has literally swarmed our planet and now people check their accounts as if it's a daily fucking news paper.
Average number of 'friends' grew and grew and grew and almost never declined- because of course to delete someone from your list -regardless of whether you know them- is a sin worthy of the death penalty, in fact if God actually did exist I've no doubt he'd have something to say on the matter. I remember the day that I passed the '200 friends' mark, and I kinda hated myself for it, thinking "I don't know 200 people, do I? Am I a pretentious little twat?!". Turns out I am, but for other reasons which I won't bore you with now.
Since updates allowing us to see what our friends are liking, what our friends friends are doing, and the 'suggested friends' section overflowing with ex-partner's new partners and people who you kinda recognise from around town, it's become near enough impossible to filter out the people you actually care about from your home screen. I know of people who've sent me requests who have justified doing so with reasoning along the lines of "Oh you're that lad who I see sitting in the coffee shop on his laptop working quietly in a corner- I'd never think of disturbing you in person so I'll do it from across the room instead".
It's absolutely ludicrous. Am I the only one who'd prefer people to come and speak to me in person if they recognise me from somewhere?
I'm aware this may all come across as rather hypocritical; the number of 'friends' on my account is at such a ridiculous number now that I'm beginning to regret clicking "accept" so many times. I'm not the sort of person who sends requests, unless I come across someone who I've met at the very least. But if I'm going to justify why I have so many it's basically because of my line of work- being the photographer at numerous events for the majority of my late teens -and since- meant that I would meet and take the picture of hundreds of people a week, and my rapport with (for want of a better word) subjects was essential to doing a good job. People added me after seeing who uploaded their photograph, and I was obliged to accept. As a result I now effectively use my account to publicise my photography, or to post status's that I know will reach a lot of people with differing opinions and so hopefully cause something of a debate. But even now, I walk past people in the street who I recognise because they 'like' loads of my stuff, and yet they don't do so much as return a nod of recognition never mind say hello. I'm a very social guy! I don't bite... unless you're a prick, obviously.

We've got a lot of issues these days, not least because of what's popping up on our news feeds- the inevitable "save the panda" bullshit, "Trees aren't green enough anymore", or videos of really inane uselessly mind numbing stupidity that has 253k likes because the general public are similarly retarded... and I'm not even going to mention the below-the-belt stuff. Yeah, THAT kind of below-the-belt stuff, it's vulgar and repulsive and I'm happy to say not once have I clicked 'play'. I go elsewhere for my vomit inducing masturbation material. [Insert cheeky wink face pulling tongues]
What really grinds my gears though is the repetitive status's, that more often than not are enough to make any respectable, educated, normal person bang their head against their desk the first time of reading never mind the 500th.
LIKE THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT GRAN TO DIE.
Who fucking thinks of this stuff?! Really?! And it's not just poor old Granny either, you apparently have to like stuff if you want to find a cure for cancer or if you love your Dad or if animal cruelty is wrong or if you have feet or if you could do with plenty of oxygen for the foreseeable future. CLICK LIKE IF YOU LIKE CLICKING LIKE. As if by not doing so I am expressing my desire for the opposite. I hope it's not a test because I have to say I ignore every single one and yet I actually really love my granny.
The 'Like for a rate' one is ridiculous too, and not because I couldn't give a flying monkeys what anyone else thinks of my appearance, but because the people posting it are quite often 12 years old. No wonder kids feel so insecure these days, they've got ten thousand facebook friends and they're all fucking judging each other. Kids, if you're reading this, how you appear on the internet should not run your life! GO AND PLAY OUTSIDE... (as long as it's not on a scooter, if you own a scooter then stay the hell away from me and my precious fresh air).
You know you're a 90's kid if...
You know you're a 90's kid if you know your birthday is anywhere between 1985 and 1993. Leave your pissing tamagotchi's and saved by the godforsaken bell out of it. I know my date of birth, no need to bleedn' remind me, NICESWAN.
I had a sandwich for lunch. It was nice.
DID YOU MATE? WHAT WAS ON IT? WAS IT MY FAITH IN YOUR INTELLIGENCE? I THINK IT WAS! Go on son, you chew it up nice and good, swallow it down never to be seen again. You insufferable moron. Like we genuinely care what is fueling your dull pointless existence.
See also; Lunch at the Hilton with Mama and Papa was simply devine, quails eggs with champagne and a side of very expensive dragon scales. Oh I'm sorry, are you better than I am? Well guess what, I ate a lobster, caught it with a fucking massive fishing rod after a day at sea in a dead silly rain coat and it tasted 100x better cos I bloody worked for it.
Goin' on a diet starting tomorrow gotta get that summer bod!!!
Good, you fat prick. Don't post progress photos, or pictures of you at the gym. It's hardly a day out and your ability to get off your lazy arse and exercise is not worthy of likes.


Its raining.
Well thanks very much for that really insightful view of yours Michael Fish, you're really pushing my mental boundaries here, true thought provoking stuff. I don't know how on earth I'd possibly know this if you weren't here to fill me in. Thank you. Sincerely thank you.

And what's with these people that have never had a profile picture that's been taken anywhere other than their bathroom mirror? Get out more you saddo's, or is there nothing you'd rather do than look at yourself?
It wouldn't surprise me if that is the case but if you think we see what you see when looking at your face then you're sorely mistaken.. Unless of course you think you look as generic as the next fat bugger I'm about to scroll past.
Nice dress tho hunni u look stunnin.

And yet I'll continue to use it just like you all will. I'd like to not have it in my life but there are just too many perks, like fit birds holiday photos and the ability to cyber-bully people.
The internet is dangerous is what I think I'm saying. It's shaping youths lives and not necessarily in a good way. Its a big giant guide accessible to everybody and written by anybody. Teaching us to live our life whilst simultaneously destroying everything we believe in. The western world as a whole have all been pointing and laughing at North Korea recently an the way it brainwashes its people, and completely ignoring the fact that the same thing is happening here, not just because of a corrupt parliament but because its easier for us to access complete bullshit on the internet than it is serious education. People see some stupid love quote on tumblr or something and automatically believe that their life should be just like that because that sounds perfect and nothing less will do, but its not fucking true is it. Kids are aspiring to the nonsense because its written in fancy font over a picture of something completely inanimate, or a 16 year old lad with swag (whatever the fuck swag is- pretty sure the connotations have changed since Shakespeare's day). And there's shit loads of celebrities who are filthy rich by doing nothing, or just sucking a fat dick on camera, and kids then automatically say "fuck school, cos it turns out I can do absolutely nout and still be famous" as if education is irrelevant. It's not irrelevant it's more essential than ever, the amount of useless morons spawning more useless morons is at an all time high and I'm scared that the planet will soon have no clever people left and we'll all just get robots to cook us beans on toast 3 time a day and Jeremy Kyle will replace politics lessons in schools. And it's all facebook's fault.

The Internet is brainwashing us all and there is nothing that is going to stop it.
HAVE A NICE DAY!